The Party To End Them All
by i1i1wow
Summary: Star is taking the residents of Echo Creek to the party of the millennium. Marco has plans to be with Jackie, but things don't quite go as planned. They make a few bad choices, and it's a runaway train. Rated T for under-aged alcohol consumption.


Star donned her white and red dress. She had to make sure it was perfect. Finally satisfied, she stepped out of her dressing room.

Marco was wearing a black tuxedo with a blue tie. "You look great, Star," Marco approved.

"Don't speak in such an informal tone, Marco. Such a gathering has not happened in a few thousand years. That weird giant foreign war ended! Legend has it, and my mother says, that this will be the most 'stellar' party we would ever experience, not that she knows we are going. It is estimated that over a trillion beings will be attending. Marco, we are going to NEED the two tracking systems we have set up. If we lose anyone, we probably will never find them again. We are going to travel a lot farther through the multiverse than usual. I might have to use the dimensional scissors more than once to get there one way. You have sent out the invitations? Just double-checking."

"All of them. We have sent them to Jackie, Alfonso, Ferguson, Janna..."

Marco listed every kid at Echo Creek Academy.

"...and even Brittney Wong!"

"And all of their families, right?" Star asked.

"Yep," Marco confirmed.

"Listen, Marco, if you can be able to spend time with Jackie, this could be the most romantic night of your life! I bet Tom would kill to spend the night with me. Wait, you got Oskar, right?!"

"You sent Oskar's invitation, remember?"

"Oh! Silly me! Bloop! Wait, what am I doing? Must stay formal! Oh, who am I kidding! THIS WILL BE THE END OF ALL PARTIES! Even Ms. Heinous is bringing the princesses from St. Olga's to the party! I don't think she was really provided a choice... Pony Head will be there! Everyone will be there!"

"Wow, you really seem hyped-"

"Less mellow boy, more bellow in joy, Marco!"

"What does that even-"

"The place is a behemoth dodecahedron structure! Listen, between the loud music, the flashing lights, the spirits, and the dancing, it is the perfect environment for falling in love!" Star poked Marco on the shoulder.

"Spirits?"

"Oh! Like alcohol."

"Wait, alcohol? That's illegal!"

"Not in that dimension! It is going to be a wild night! Did you know they have everything?"

"That is like the first thing you told me."

"Let's go! Everyone's waiting outside!"

"Wait! Are we ready?"

"Yes!" Mr. and Mrs. Diaz exclaimed.

Mr. Diaz had a black tuxedo that overly widened at the shoulders.

Mrs. Diaz had a sparkling dark orange dress. Her hair was different, and that was rare.

Star grabbed Marco and sped toward the front door. Her giddy smile reached both sides of her cheeks, which symbols turned to smiling lips.

"Let's go!" Star exclaimed. She wanted to make fireworks with her wand so bad.

They opened the door, and saw the entire neighborhood waiting outside their door with smiles on their faces.

"Hey, Star!" they all greeted.

Marco was shocked. He had never seen Jackie dressed up before; she always wore casual clothing. She was in a sky blue dress with white gloves and had her hair up.

Star quickly handed out the tracking devices and explained why they were needed.

"Let's go!" Star exclaimed. She cut a very large rift and ran into it.

The people ran into it; they had seen pictures of what to expect.

They all went through over the course of a minute.

They were in a strange purple dimension.

"Again!" Star instructed. She opened a second portal.

The people followed.

"Welcome to Valedictium!" Star shouted with glee.

They all stared in awe at the gargantuan building before them. They couldn't see the ends of it, it was so large. The top pentagon was removed, which revealed a stellar night sky.

It was just before sunset, and the crashing waves of sunlight gave the entire sky an orange glow.

"Let's go check in," Star directed.

They walked around 500 feet, when it seemed like fifty feet.

Then, they reached the base.

"You all have your passes?" a fish creature asked.

"Yep!" Star exclaimed.

They all went through the turnstile.

"Disperse!" Star exclaimed as soon as they got inside. "Let me wand in some gold for us to spend! Meet here in 28 hours!"

They all got substantial amounts of gold.

There were billions upon billions of creatures in the building.

Everyone went tons of different directions. There was an infectious mood of extreme carelessness and drunkenness in the air. There may have been a little bit of laughing gas added to the mix.

"Jackie! You want to go start with snacks?" Marco offered. He wouldn't have had that courage if it weren't for the atmosphere.

She hesitated. Her stomach rumbled. "Sure! Where are they?"

"I have no idea. Let's go!"

There were a multitude of stands on the outskirts, while billions of creatures were dancing.

"Look! There are the snacks! What the- Troll Eye? Goblin Toe? Blech!" Jackie exclaimed. "Ooh, corn!"

Marco could barely keep up.

"You want some corn?" Jackie asked.

"Sure, of course!" Marco responded. His brain was a little locked up.

"Two corn on the cobs," Jackie ordered.

The cashier responded by smacking the plate on the table.

"Ooh, that's fast!" Jackie exclaimed.

Marco gave the cashier two gold pieces, which was the price.

Jackie bit into her corn. "Mmm! Marco, you have to try this corn!"

Marco bit into his. "It is quite delectable!"

"Wait, did we pay him?"

"I did."

"Oh."

"Holy- Have you ever seen that much alcohol in one place?" Marco asked.

"Wait, we can drink; there are no laws here! Wait, there's a sign. 'Must be over 2 to consume spirits.'"

"Well-"

"Come on, Marco! Janna is already up there!"

The bartender had a deep voice. "You two look like you could use a quart of vodka."

"Yes, please!" Jackie exclaimed. She hadn't even heard what he said.

"This will be 8 gold pieces," he stated. Jackie got out eight gold pieces and gave them to him.

"Thanks for the water?" Jackie thanked.

"Oh hoh, that ain't water," Janna stated.

"That's hard alcohol, Jackie!" Marco exclaimed. "Yoh shouldn't-"

"I am going to try it. A little won't hurt, right? We can find the others on the dance floor via the GPS thing after this, okay?" Jackie planned. "That tastes really weird... I like it."

Marco gaped as Jackie drank a lot more.

"Whoa, courageous!" Janna remarked.

"Here, try some," Jackie proposed.

Judging by her weight and amount drank, she was definitely drunk.

"Jackie, I don't-"

"Come on, Marco! This stuff is fluffy amazing!"

"I guess I could..." Marco receded. "Blech! Man, that tastes awful!"

"Come oun, les do dis!" Jackie screamed with enjoyment. She pulled Marco toward where the creatures were dancing.

They ran by Star on the way; none of them had really gone far.

"Hey, Star! Marco and I are heading out to the dance flow!" Jackie stated.

"Glad you two are having fun!" Star responded. "Ferguson! Don't climb on monsters like that!"

"Jackie," Marco started. He wasn't thinking completely straight due to the air, but he wasn't drunk.

They stepped out onto the dance floor. Marco was very nervous.

"Come on, Marco!" Jackie shouted in glee.

The loud music was fast paced and the lyrics meant nothing.

Jackie started stepping left and right faster and faster. Marco couldn't keep up.

Her footwork got quicker and more complex.

Marco panicked as he sped up. His energy drained like water from a breaking dam.

But Jackie was the first to tire out. She fell on Marco's shoulder, barely conscious.

Marco wrapped his arm around her and navigated them out of the crowd. It took ten tiring minutes to get out.

"Jackie! Are you okay?" Marco asked.

"Of course! Just a little dreamy. Ooh! A bounce house!" She was not in her right mind. "You know, Marco, I've always really liked you. Fun, smart, maybe even boyfriend material!" She was saying whatever popped into her head.

"Really?" Marco blurted. He was in shock.

"Look! That's the big superest troll I have ever seen!"

"Whoa. Okay, let's get in the bounce house."

"What do his muscles feel like? Probably big and squishy."

"Come on!" Marco beckoned with stress in his tone.

"Yay, bounce house! I got one of these for my eighth birthday, and my ninth birthday, and-"

"Yeah. Yeah. Okay, he's not following us."

"Marcooo! Marrrco! Marco! Let's go prank some of the little kids!"

"Jackie! Let's get out of here! Look at that cobra ready to pop the bounce house!"

"You call me a cobra?!" the snake shrieked.

"No, I just said the bounce house tastes like fresh raw beef," Marco responded. He regretted what he said immediately.

"It does?" the snake wondered.

"Let's bounce!" Marco quipped, grabbing Jackie's hand and heading toward the exit.

But they were too late.

The bounce house was extremely pressurized; that meant that when the snake bit the bounce house, it blasted the bounce house into the air, setting it free from the stakes which held it down, sending everyone flying back into the netting, which was surprisingly strong.

The snake's body fell through the netting, but his head was too big. "That boy with the blue tie just killed us all!"

Marco hid his blue tie beneath his tuxedo. There was one other boy in a blue tie, and the entire bounce house went after him. The commotion was so loud, the snake couldn't tell them that it was Marco that had sent them hurling through the air, which they still were.

"Well, I never thought I'd die in a bounce house," Jackie blabbed.

"Hold on, I've got a plan!" Marco exclaimed.

"Okay!" Jackie responded. Then she kicked the snake's head a couple times and then stepped on it, pushing it through the netting.

The snake then fell to his death.

"What's your plan?" Jackie asked.

"I am going to use one of these helium-filled corners of the bounce house to save us from splatting on the ground," Marco related.

"Heh heh. Splat!" Jackie blabbed.

Marco found the places where he could detach the corner wall inflatable. This was definitely not a normal bounce house.

"Hold on to me!" Marco instructed.

"What? Why-"

The corner wall inflatable detached from the rest of the bounce house, with Marco clutching the inflatable corner wall and Jackie clutching Marco.

Everyone nearby watching the spectacle gasped when they saw them.

Marco was struggling to have them stay on top of the inflatable, and then Jackie leaned way to the left to wave at the people below.

The inflatable turned over, and now they were on the bottom. This gave Jackie a stern warning that none of her limbs were free.

They both strained to hold on. They both ended up falling ten feet to the ground. The inflatable zoomed up unencumbered. It would eventually disappear from view.

Marco cried out in pain. He rolled over and saw Jackie inanimate.

"Whoa, that was awesome, dude!" a giant lobster congratulated.

Marco realized everyone had been watching.

He looked back at Jackie. His countenance was one of utter horror.

Miscellaneous chattering echoed through the crowd.

"Is she okay?" a humanoid asked, among many other discussing voices.

When Marco percieved her bosom rising and falling, he realized she was alive.

"She's unconscious!" Marco panicked.

"I know how to wake your girlfriend up. Belly Slam!" the giant lobster exclaimed.

Marco slammed his hand into the lobster's head, knocking him out. "Stay away!"

"You just knocked that guy out!" a giant toad convicted.

"Let's get him!" a giant fly exclaimed.

Then the toad ate the fly. "What are you guys waiting for? Kill the boy!"

"You want some?! Get some!" Marco taunted angrily.

Then Marco fought them for a couple of minutes.

Then a giant pelican chomped him. The other monsters lost interest and went back to their dancing.

A couple minutes later, the pelican decided to try to swallow. This resulted in it choking to death. Marco climbed out of its mouth and found Jackie sitting up.

"Oh... That was brutal," Jackie stated.

"I'm thirsty. Nearly parched, in fact. Let's get not alcohol!" Marco suggested.

"What happened to you?" Jackie asked.

"Oversized pelican's mouth," Marco answered. "I'll dry off. I'm just glad none of it got in my ... parched ... mouth."

"Look at those bismuth crystals! They do have everything here!"

"Whoa, Jackie! Let's not spend 83 gold pieces on something we can get in Utah," Marco responded.

"But it says they are 79 inches long! Wait, how long is that in feet?"

"Six foot seven."

"It's taller than my dad!"

"How would we carry it?"

"Look! A tattoo place!"

"Jackie, your parents would ground you and murder me."

"More corn!" Jackie shouted.

"You're really hungry?"

"No. Oh, Piña Ethacolada. It's like Piña Colada, but a tier higher!"

"And that's alcohol. Maybe they have water."

Marco walked up to the bartender.

"Could I have a water?" Marco asked.

"Ha ha! The only liquids in this dimension are narcotics, sweetheart," the troll bartender responded.

"You have got to be kidding me," Marco shouted. "No! No! No! I can't get drunk, or high, or passed out with a cup of indistinguishable drugged hobo soup!"

"Why not?" Jackie asked.

"Because... Because..." Marco blabbed. The real reason was that he was afraid of what would happen if he did get drunk. His parched mouth growled at him. "Okay, but just a little."

"That'll be 10 gold pieces," the troll stated.

"That's expensive," Marco blurted.

"It's premium," the troll responded. She hadn't blinked.

Marco gave the troll the money.

"Taste it! Taste it!" Jackie beckoned.

Maybe a drunk Jackie was a bad influence... Marco had a drink. It tasted really good.

"Could I try some?" Jackie asked.

Marco blushed at once. "Sure..."

Jackie tasted it, and shouted loudly in merriment.

Marco and Jackie both drank all of it in the following twenty seconds.

There was not a lot of alcohol in the drink, but there was a lot of other very potent stuff in it.

Marco's first sound after becoming intoxicated was a howl.

"Jackie, that drink was so good! I not no thirsty no more, let's a-go!" Marco blabbed.

"Marco, look at that giant burrito!"

"Let's lick it!"

"Yeah!"

The blob that was holding it screamed.

She dropped the burrito at their feet.

Marco and Jackie both started chowing on it like two pigs in front of a trough.

The blob had a look of horror and disgust. It backed out of sight.

"Mmm! Dis is so good!" Marco stated. "Level uuuup!"

"Burrito extraordinaire!" Jackie exclaimed.

Jackie pulled Marco by the shoulder. "Look at that hilarious idiot on the ramp!"

"He's gonna die. Let's watch!"

"Oh, yep, that's not living anymore. Let's go!" Jackie beckoned. She grabbed his hand.

Marco folowed beside her, giggling like a small girl.

"Jackie, have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" Marco blabbed.

"Um, no, actually. I wonder- there's a headless unicorn!" Jackie shouted.

"That's a flying ducorn head. Let's ride it!"

"How do we do that?"

"Star- wait, she's not here. Hmmm, oh! I am loving this song!"

Jackie pulled him onto the dance floor forcefully. She was giggling like a hyena.

They started dancing immediately. Marco picked her up and held her up above his head.

"Whoo! Airplane!" Jackie shouted.

The crowd noticed them pretty quickly.

Marco put her back down. They did a couple twirls, and then he pulled her to him. Then their faces got close.

"Marco!" Star exclaimed with glee.

Marco and Jackie both jumped like their hands were in a cookie jar.

"Marco! I found you with the GPS thingy. Pony Head! I found them!"

"That's great, girl! Let's head out to the casino section!"

"Casino?! My dad never takes me with him! Take me!" Jackie pled.

"Let's go," Marco beckoned.

"Marco, the casino section is that way," Star corrected.

"I knew that," Marco responded.

"I can't wait! I want all oranges!" Jackie shouted.

Star looked up from her phone with a smile. "And that's my new ringtone."

"Is she drunk?" Pony Head whispered to Star.

"Pretty much," Star responded.

"Star!" Marco exclaimed. "You need a plaid scented wig!"

"Uh..." Star started.

Marco reappeared with the wig in his hands. "Put it on! Put it on!"

Star and Pony Head looked at each other.

"Is he drunk?" Pony Head whispered.

"I have no idea," Star responded.

Star put it on.

"It's really soft!" Star exclaimed. "Let's go!"

"What is that on the ground?" Pony Head asked.

"Just close your eyes and walk through," Star responded.

"Marco, I dare you to eat some," Jackie poked.

Marco got some on his finger and ate it before Star could object.

"Party animal!" Jackie exclaimed.

"Okay, remember when I said I had no idea? Scratch that," Star stated.

"No idea about what?" Marco wondered.

"No idea that stuff was edible!" Star equivocated. She was trying to hide the disgust on her face.

"It's really salty," Marco related.

Star had the same look as she did when Gustav was throwing questionably cooked meatballs into the air. "Let's just- Jackie, are you eating my wig?"

"Casino! Casino!" Pony Head beckoned hastily.

"Let's race!" Star shouted.

"Yeah!" Marco agreed. "I am so going to win this!"

They ran full speed, leaving Jackie in the dust.

Jackie ran after them.

"We're here!" Marco exclaimed. "Flashing lights! Fruit, sevens, triple bars, it's all here!"

"Now, Marco, gambling can be addictive, so I want you to exercise moderation. Be stingy," Star advised.

Jackie finally caught up to them.

Star turned her head and found Jackie playing slots.

"What does three cherries mean?" Jackie asked.

"You won one!" Star exclaimed. "I never thought I'd see the day. Anyway, that only gets you, like, 5 gold coins for the one you put in. Now three sevens, that's the jackpot on that slot machine. It's still puny."

"Jackie and I can win the jackpot," Marco claimed.

"Oh, no, Marco. This is a slippery slope, like introducing termites into the basement of a wooden home."

"Oh, come on. What does quince lemon rutabega get me?" Jackie asked.

"Nothing at all," Star responded.

Jackie grumbled. She banged her fists on the slot machine.

"We are winning that jackpot!" Marco shouted. He tried his hand at one of the machines.

"But Marco, by then, you'll be more addicted than my great aunt Lake!" Star objected.

We are going to-"

Star interrupted him by making a pile of gold coins fall beside them.

"There's your jackpot!" Star pointed. She was hoping that would substitute for them axtually winning it.

"Whoa! I guess kale quintuple bar 7 really is my lucky number!" Jackie shouted.

"We did it!" Marco celebrated. "You did it! Jackie, you are amazing at gambling."

"Let's drop these two off at the warnicorn rider's training place," Pony Head whispered.

"Yeah," Star agreed. "Marco! Jackie! Pony Head and I have a surprise for you!"

"Ooh! What is it?" Marco exclaimed with enthusiasm.

Star and Pony Head showed them to the warnicorn riders and disappeared into the crowd.

"Want to try some wah'u?" one of the warnicorn guys offered.

"Ooh! Exotic!" Jackie exclaimed.

She and Marco both grabbed a sample, which was about a pint.

They were almost finished with it when they were told the ingredients.

"It's basically warnicorn urine with a little alcohol and ether," the man explained.

"Pee?!" Jackie shouted. "But it tastes so good!"

"That's why people drink it," the man continued. "It is nothing like most urine, which is relatively vile, because warnicorns only eat double rainbows and cumulonimbus clouds, instead of things like grass or hay."

"I want to eat like a warnicorn!" Marco shouted.

"Whoa! Okay, I'm sorry, but you'd just pass through it," the man reminded.

"Marco, look at that! I think they're planning fireworks! I wish I could be a pyrotechnic. They are always so intellectual, you feel like some is bound to rub off on you," Jackie stated.

"Imagine being a warnicorn and a pyrotechnic and a billionare with a mansion and binoculars in the rain all at once with all of your friends at a party with killer tacos!" Marco daydreamed.

"But then the tacos would get soggy," Jackie stated.

"Why, tacos, why?" Marco cried.

"You'd need umbrellas, which are right there!" Jackie shouted.

"Oooh! Let's go!" Marco beckoned. "What kind do you want?"

"I want the pink polka dot elephant one!" Jackie cried with glee.

"Let's do it!" Marco agreed.

"I have always loved elephants! I always have wanted to grab one by the tusks!"

"What did you say?!" a giant talking elephant growled.

"Ooh! Can I grab your tusks?" Jackie asked.

"You die!" the elephant shouted. He tried to sit on her.

Marco picked her up like a bride and ran.

"Marco! The elephant is that way!" Jackie blabbed.

The elephant ran them into one of the five corners of the humungous building.

"Ivory hunter!" the elephant accused.

"Get away from my Jackie!" Marco shouted.

"You think you're so strong! You're just a mite under my toes," the elephant responded.

"Wait! You can't do this!" Marco pled.

"Why not?" the elephant tested.

"Because this is the greatest night of my life!" Marco argued.

"Is it because of my tusks?" the elephant interrogated.

"Of course not! It's because I'm spending this night with the girl of my dreams!"

"What?" Jackie asked. "Who is she?"

"Oh, this is awkward," the elephant commented. "I'm- I'm gonna go."

Marco stared at the ground.

"Marco? Were you talking about me?" Jackie asked.

"I was getting that crazy elephant off of us," Marco defended.

"Really? Oh, a star shaped balloon!" Jackie shouted.

"Something big is happening. You two! Get out on that dance floor! I saw you guys, you should really be there for it," a fish man advised.

"Marco, we're missing something! I hope it's not a kabob," Jackie beckoned.

She pulled him onto the gargantuan dance floor.

They started immediately.

Jackie grabbed his hands and started spinning and swaying.

Marco's nervousness showed like a tumor in someone's lip.

They heard a loudspeaker. "WE'RE TURNING IT UP!"

The music gradually increased in decibels.

They both gasped.

There was a really talented alien band emerging on a humungous platform two hundred feet in the air, coming from one of the five sides of the bottom half of the building.

"Hello, Valedictium!" the fish musician greeted.

The applause was deafening.

"Tonight, we're going to rock the building onto its side!"

Everyone was screaming and whooping and whistling as loud as they could.

The music started at once. It blasted through the building like a jet taking off, a car falling from the stratosphere, and an artificial earthquake all at once.

"Blooming rose, hidden stem. Strike a pose, you're my gem!" the musician sang. "If only you knew, what I'd do for you. You're the evening dew, dancing 'cause it's always your cue."

Marco and Jackie danced faster and faster as the music sped up.

"I won't admit it, but here's a clue: I'm no longer blue. And it's all because of you!"

Marco and Jackie both started to waver, barely hanging onto each other's arms. They were no longer able to dance.

"Marco..." Jackie mumbled.

Their faces were close again.

Then the musician got to the chorus. "When my face gets that hue, I know what I want to do. This feeling's so new. And you're asking me who! Baby, it's you!"

Their lips met. Marco hadn't kissed a girl in years, and it did not feel like this. It was like a high-tech firework that someone was stupid enough to set off inside. It was like a tactical missile that blew up on launch, or a torpedo that wouldn't do anything but blow up in the face.

"You make my heart glow, you make my brain slow. When I hear your coo, I know it's you."

Marco and Jackie tried to get out of the crowd, but it was too vast. They got picked up by the crowd, and the people passed them along above their heads.

"I won't admit it, honey boo. But when you're around, my mind's a zoo!"

The musician continued. "I don't know what to do, only what I want to do. This much is really true; I am in love with you! When my face gets that hue, I know what I want to do. This feeling's so new! And you're asking me who! Baby, it's you!"

Marco and Jackie, seperated by a half dozen people passing others above their heads, lost consciousness like a couple of starved hummingbirds.

• • •

Marco woke to find all of his gold was gone, except for what was in his pockets. He had an awful headache and his tie was gone. He wasn't even processing what had happened. He remembered, but he couldn't put the jigsaw pieces together. He could look at them isolated, but he was too scrambled to determine what they meant.

He looked over three meters to his right and he found Jackie was still out.

Something cried out in his brain that he could not recognize. All he knew was that it was hellish.

Jackie stirred.

Marco could feel his heart tearing apart. He was finally sober. He was finally realizing the potential of this ruining their relationship forever. He was boyfriend material, and now he was that creepy kid that won't leave his unrequited crush alone. His agony was becoming distilled.

"Marco? What happened?" Jackie asked. "Why does my head hurt?"

"Hangover," Marco responded.

"You mean overhang, right? Yeah, I bump my head on those surprisingly often."

"No, I mean hangover."

"Wait, we- I vaguely remember that. I'll remember more later, I'm sure. Man, I am just glad I didn't wake up alone in another dimension. How do we get out of here?"

Jackie's voice soothed him like morphine. He loved her so much. Maybe there was hope.

"Marco! Jackie!" Alfonso called. "It's time to go!"

"Lead the way!" Jackie responded.

Marco followed them quietly.

"So Ferg and I were thumb wrestling intergalactic champions!" Alfonso related.

"Wait, you're that good?" Jackie asked.

"Oh, no, we lost, but we have autographed red thumbs now!" Alfonso exclaimed.

"That's great," Jackie deadpanned.

Marco and Jackie both completely tuned Alfonso out as they walked toward the entrance and exit.

"Marco! Jackie! You're finally here! Let's leave!" Star exclaimed. They all went through the exit before Star and then she finally did.

She cut a rift to the strange purple dimension.

Marco was in an emotionless state; he was utterly unsure.

After that, they went back to Earth.

They came out of the portal one by one.

They started leaving to their own homes. The party was over.

Marco had only one thing left to do. His heart was like underwater bread being nibbled by fish.

"Jackie, could I talk to you in private for a second?" he asked. His voice cracked and he hated it.

"Sure, why?" Jackie asked.

They walked out of earshot.

"I know you don't remember what happened yet, but you will. I just want to say that I am really sorry for everything."

"Wait, are you crying?" Jackie asked. "Marco!"

Marco ran away as fast as his legs could carry him. His tears flew into the wind.

He ran back to his house. He used the mat key and got inside.

Them he double locked the door.

He dashed up the stairs.

He ran into his room and slammed the door.

He buried his face in his pillow.

He cried his eyes out. He coveted her like a crazed miser. He was a self-destructing fireball of pure passion.

He started plotting crazy schemes to get her to like him.

The fire started to die.

As the logic part of his brain started to turn back on, he panicked.

Reality was choking him like nothing else could.

Marco needed to find an insanity to hide in.

He got out his mirror. It was not a magic one.

"Twin me! I need help! How do I get Jackie to not hate me?" Marco asked. On the surface this was an exercise of stupidity, but underneath lied great psychological benefits; he could sort out his thoughts when it would otherwise be impossible.

"I should run away from her. Why?" He knew why: Her rejection would be emotional damnation for him.

Things looked pretty grim.

• • •

The next morning, Jackie woke up from a dreamless sleep.

She realized she remembered everything. But it was all so much, she couldn't take it all in. But one moments solidified in her mind: The kiss.

She gasped.

She knew the intensity, and that said everything.

She couldn't believe it.

Marco was flat out in love with her.

She had no idea what to say or what to do.

Then she remembered the last thing Marco said to her.

"Oh my-" she started. She was speechless.

She must have somehow shattered his heart into a thousand tiny little pieces.

"Stupid alcohol!" she thought.

She thought about all of the embarrassing, stupid stuff they had said.

"Way to tell Marco," Jackie muttered bitterly. Her self-condemning reflection began. She said these things aloud in an angry, self-mocking tone. "Boyfriend material, yay bounce house, let's prank the little kids, big and squishy, splat!, taller than my dad, like Piña Colada but a tier higher, could I try some, burrito extraordinaire, headless unicorn, 'I can't wait! I want all oranges!', I guess kale quintuple bar 7 really is my lucky number."

She couldn't even go on. It was all her fault. If she hadn't drank that vodka, and had that relaxed attitude toward alcohol, none of that would have happened. She wouldn't have gotten them stuck in a rouge bounce house, Marco wouldn't have had to fight all those monsters, she would have spotted the troll's lie about there being no water, she wouldn't have encouraged Marco to drink alcohol, she wouldn't have made the decision to drink from his glass, she wouldn't have stolen that giant burrito, she and Marco wouldn't have made total fools of themselves when they were with Star and Pony Head, she wouldn't have enraged that elephant, Marco wouldn't have made that confession, and she wouldn't have broken his heart.

One thing really bothered her though. She didn't regret any of the things they had done on the dance floor.

"Oh, no," Jackie realized. "I-"

She fell back on her bed.

"I am."

• • •

Marco woke up.

He saw Star sitting in his room, drawing stars and unicorns.

"Star, it is one thing when you wake me. It is another when you are just in my room when I wake up. Please, wake me or don't, but don't just do stuff in my room," Marco requested.

"Why?" Star asked.

"It's a boundaries thing, that's all."

"Oh. So, mind if I ask why you left before us, ask why you locked your bedroom door, and ask why- well, that's all actually."

"Because I went too far. I got drunk, and I told Jackie she was the girl of my dreams, and now that she is sober and probably remembers, I don't know what to do. Thanks for- being here. I feel better now." He grabbed a tissue and wiped away his new tears.

"What if she remembers nothing?"

"Then I still left a horrible impression."

"What if she is interested in you, you know, like smoochy smooch?"

"I made a fool of myself."

"I was there, and let me tell you, nothing you could have said or done could have been worse than kale quintuple bar 7 being Jackie's lucky number; Jackie was even worse than you were. Oh, and this plaid wig is starting to grow on me." Star pulled it out of her backpack.

"Please, no. Every time I see it, I'll be reminded of the time I got drunk in Valedictium. I kissed her, Star. I kissed Jackie, and it felt so good, and now it's over."

"Well, that might complicates things. Was it like a flirty kiss, or a kiss on the neck, or one of those really, really long kisses, that when you see your parents doing it, you just want to back away?"

Marco looked down at the ground.

"Oh, it was one of the back away ones, wasn't it?"

"I have no idea how it looked third person, okay? All I know is that it was the greatest moment of my life."

"You're really taking this hard, aren't you?"

"Why wouldn't I? She is the love of my life."

"What about that blond foreign exchange student with the blue headband?"

"Please, the last thing I want to think about is that."

"What happened to that?"

"What did I just say? Drop it!"

"Okay! Sorry! I just thought it would bring back ... warm ... memories."

"She died of brain cancer! Okay?!"

"What's brain cancer?"

"You just don't know when to stop, do you, Star?!"

"Stop what?"

Marco got up. He left swiftly.

"Marco! I didn't mean to make you upset!"

Marco didn't even look her way. "Since you've decided to invade my room, I guess I have to improvise."

"Define improvise?"

Marco locked himself in Star's room, and put her new dresser in front of the door.

"Marco!" Star unlocked the door with her wand, but she couldn't open the door, because the dresser was in the way. "Fine, if that's the game you want to play!"

She went back to Marco's room and locked the door. "Anytime, now, Marco."

• • •

Star couldn't chew on her wand anymore.

Her gums were starting to hurt.

Then she remembered she had brought her big jeweled book into Marco's room to try to draw some of the stuff.

She opened it.

"Glossaryck! I'm super bored!"

"Hello, princess. Mind telling me why we are in Marco's room?"

"Well, he's being very difficult!"

"Why?"

"I don't know! Marco locked himself in my room, so I locked myself in his. I hate it when he's like this."

"Ooh, a competition. Feeling pumped?"

"No! I'm super bored. Amuse me!"

"I'll tell you a riddle: Finding the pokiest needle in the haystack, like slapping the dealer in blackjack, is putting both of you on a bad track; understanding you lack."

"I don't get it."

"That's what you always say, Star."

"I still don't get it."

"That is also what you always say, Star."

"Why do you bother to state that?"

"The answer to that question is one of the two shards of my riddle."

"Is that a riddle?"

"No, Star, it's not."

"So, that means ... that I don't understand your riddles?"

"Cut off those last two words, and you've found a shard!"

"I don't understand?"

"Exactly! You don't understand, especially when it comes to Marco."

"Help me understand!"

"Finding the pokiest needle in the haystack, like slapping the dealer in blackjack, is putting both of you on a bad track; understanding you lack."

"I poked Marco with a needle?"

"Ugh, listen, I heard your entire conversation. I am going to thoroughly explain the entire riddle to you, but only because I'm tired of hearing your voice. The pokiest needle is Marco's old romantic interest who died of cancer, cancer is something that kills people, asking Marco about his dead romantic interest is poking him with the pokiest needle in the haystack, and in blackjack-"

"What does blackjack have to do with anything?"

"Interrupting! In blackjack, the one place you don't want to slap is the actual dealer, because they'd become mad and probably try to pull something with the cards."

"Pulling cards?"

"Listen, I don't know much about blackjack, but I know you slap. Anyway, this leads me to say that this is bad for both of you. Marco feels hurt, and you know how to diagnose you. I suggest you apologize for bringing her up, and optimistically present to him a reputation recovery plan."

"But I can't apologize for something I'm not sorry for! That girl is so shrouded in mystery."

"Are you sorry that you hurt Marco's feelings?"

"Yes."

"Those two go hand in hand. If you are sorry for hurting his feelings, you are sorry you brought the girl with the blue headband up. If you are not sorry for bringing her up in conversation, you are not sorry for hurting his feelings. It's your choice."

"Fine," Star grumbled.

She left Marco's room and went to her bedroom door.

"Marco, you win. You can have your room all to yourself now. I'm sorry I brought up that girl with the blue headband in the picture on your wall. Could I come talk to you for a second about what is distressing you?"

Marco pushed the dresser out of the way. He opened the door.

"What do you want to say?"

"Remember when you said it was over? You're dead wrong! You just need a plan. You might want to give her some space now. Then slowly, like melty ice cream, you'll seep right back into her life."

"You really think that would work?"

"Yep, just remember to take things very slow, unless she prompts you to do otherwise. But not Marco nodding slow, okay? Not nearly that slow. Oh, and not talking to her when you see her probably isn't the best move."

"Why not?"

"Calm down, Marco. You can't act like she's just an acquaintance, if you gave her a parent kiss!"

"Please! Don't call it that!"

"You were fine with it before-"

"Similes and metaphors are very different, Star! Similes juxtapose while metaphors make synonyms out of the parties!"

"I don't see your problem."

"Jackie and I are not parents!"

"Not now."

"Star!"

"But in eight years, you'll be looking down at a pair of beady, blue eyes-"

"Why blue?"

"Because babies always have blue eyes."

"No, they don't."

"On Mewni, they do. Huh."

"When do I have to talk to her?"

"Right now! Isn't that amazing?!" Star shouted in fake excitement.

Marco exclaimed in fear.

"I'm kidding, Marco! I am just pointing out that you'll stress if I give you a date or a time. But Monday, because that's when we go to school again! Duh!"

"Thanks," Marco muttered with sarcasm.

"That makes you feel better, right?"

"No, and you just said it wouldn't!"

"But if you rework how your own mind deals with it, you can get rid of the stress! Like, say Tuesday, you and Jackie will go to a movie, and eat from the same bowl of popcorn, and watch 'Zombie Exile XXIV'."

"Star! That left the theater last week!"

"Left the theater? Where do they go? I guess it really is exile."

"Star, I don't mean it walked out of the theater, I mean they stopped showing the movie on the screen. And if you like 'Zombie Exile XXIV', you can get it on DVD soon."

"But if they're not showing 'Zombie Exile XXIV', what will they be showing?"

"A newer movie. Maybe 'Zombie Exile XXV'. But that's not the movie I'd take Jackie to; that's the movie I'd go to with Janna."

"Why XXV?"

"Because it is in Roman numerals. 'I' is one, 'V' is five, 'X' is ten, 'L' is fifty, and I forget the rest, but those are the main ones. 'IV' is four, because with Roman numerals, if you have a smaller valued letter in front of a bigger letter, it means you subtract the smaller one from the bigger one. Five minus one equals four."

"Aah. Marco, you're boring me. Forgive me for being painfully blunt, but Glossaryck showed me the power of it. I'd rather tell you than act like I'm listening."

"Where were we?"

"Zombie Exile XXV."

"Before that."

"Zombie Exile XXIV."

"Before that!"

"Oh, yeah! Here!" Star gave him a small white piece of plastic. "It's for your mouth. You can bite it when your stressed, and no one will notice. You need it more than me, and I have my wand to chew on anyway."

"Have you ever put it in your mouth?"

"No."

"So I just put it in my mouth and bite it?"

"Yep, keep it for your back teeth so it doesn't show. There you go!"

"Thanks, Star. I'm sorry I got angry before. Maybe we can talk about that after I am a little more content. I don't mean later today, I mean down the road. I understand you're curious. But seriously, not now. Nachos?"

"Marco, how is it already noon?"

• • •

"Jackie, honey, our spring cleaning day is tomorrow, Sunday!" her mother called.

Jackie pushed her head deeper into her pillow.

Spring cleaning was like getting hung by the arm.

"Think happy thoughts! Think happy thoughts!" Jackie instructed herself.

She fell asleep as soon as she stopped tensing.

• • •

"Jackie, hon, it's time to get up! There is a list on your bedstand of all of the things you need to do. If your try really hard, you might be able to do it all. Get up! I don't want you falling asleep! I need to go; your father is calling me to help him clean out the attic," her mother explained. "Oh, and we are still going to church at 10:00."

Jackie groaned and got up.

She couldn't wait for Saturday.

• • •

Marco's weekday alarm went off.

"Oh, no," Marco murmured.

He grabbed the small white piece of plastic Star had given him, and put it on the side of his mouth. He bit down on it, to test. It worked well.

He just wanted to stay home, and hide. But that would be cowardly.

He got ready with a straight lips. He wasn't going to think about it; he was just going to go.

He got on the bus with Star behind him, tailgating him.

He got through to noon.

Marco opened his brown bag and pulled out his sandwich.

He opened the transparent baggie, took the plastic piece out of his mouth, and prepared to bite in.

"Marco," Jackie called.

Marco's eyes widened. It was too late to grab the plastic piece. "Yeah?" Marco blurted.

"Could I talk to you alone?" Jackie asked.

"Sure!"

Marco followed her away from the tables.

"I- I wanted to apologize. I never should have dranken that vodka. If I hadn't dranken it, you probably wouldn't have gotten drunk either, and then we would not have done any of those stupid, embarassing things."

So she was letting him down easy. Marco was relieved and saddened at the same time.

"You know, I never would have drank that alcohol if I didn't feel safe with you. I trust you, Marco. And well, I'm alive and well, thanks to you."

She hugged Marco, and he didn't know what to do, so he just hugged her back.

He felt something deeper: it wasn't like when he hugged his dad or Star.

Then she kissed him lips to lips.

Marco was shocked in the moment.

It was like a large pile of neotame poured on sourdough bread.

He felt he would never earn her love, and then she gave it to him.

It was the last thing Marco had expected: total acceptance.

Now this was the greatest moment of his life.

They came up for air.

Then Jackie got a text.

"U gonna eat ur lunch?" the text from Sabrina read.

"Oh, shoot! We haven't eaten, and lunch is almost over."

"Let's bounce!" Marco beckoned. He was pretty hungry.

They ran to their lunches and scarfed them down.

Then the bell rang.

And they went back to class.

 **Thanks for reading! Don't drink alcohol underaged! Please review. :)**


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